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Reminder State

How to help a client in the “Reminder state”

Over the years, I have been able to identify four significantly different states of healing that can hold clients back from building a lucrative, transformational business. Understanding what this means and how to help them can make all the difference, not just for their income, but also for the rest of their lives.

As a business coach, I have to make sure that my clients don’t try to build a business on unresolved issues that are still haunting them and holding them back.

The most difficult stage of healing is the “Reminder state”. In this state, the client has the mindset that she is the living proof for an injustice that happened, and if she ever moved on from the pain she feels, she would condone the trauma somehow.

In my work with combat veterans I have seen many times, how soldiers hold onto the pain of loosing a buddy, because this is the only way they know how to honor his life and the way he died. Other people hold on to the pain they felt when they were abused, because they believe, often subconsciously, that if they ever let go, they would give into their perpetrator’s belief that what happened wasn’t really a big deal, or that it was even their fault.

The reason this is the most difficult stage to overcome is, because the level of self identification and even pride of self sacrifice for the cause is so great, that the person feels very resistant, sometimes even attacked by the offer to release the response to what happened. The belief that nobody will ever understand how bad it was, which is, of course true, holds them in a state of “You are either for me or against me.” “You (the practitioner) have to help me feel better, but you will never be able to fully release my pain!”

One characteristic of people in the reminder state is that they work VERY HARD on releasing their problem. They work on it every day. They go to any partitioners. They share very openly how intensely they are trying to get rid of the memories, and how bad they have been. Their trauma, at some point, becomes a prison, a life style of trying to heal, but then withdrawing back into “Nobody can help me, no matter how good they are.”

People in the reminder state have a certain sense of defensiveness around them. Their traumatic story has trained them to decide very quickly if someone is either friend or enemy, and if they feel even slightly misunderstood, they easily put even friends on the enemy side. They are used to the loneliness, and the repetitiveness of their thoughts, and deep down they see their lives as permanently altered, even though they will never give up hope.

In business, I have seen that people in the reminder state are usually not successful, as long as they buil their message on the trauma they are reminding the world of.

Instead of drawing clients that are happy to pay them what they are worth, they draw people with similar trauma, and they sister up with them.

Instead of building a business, they begin to build a support group.

As a coach, I help them understand which part of their story is ready to be turned into a business. There are parts that are truly flexible and wonderful, and many people would pay to get help from them. We don’t have to build our business on the part of us that is suffering. Instead, we can benefit from the wisdom we always had, or the wisdom that we feel very powerful and comfortable with, that is a result from overcoming our story.

The part of the story that is in reminder state, on the other hand, deserves more attention than a business plan can provide.

This part deserves compassion, as well as a vision. With skillful EFT, clients begin to see that there are many ways of honoring what happened and doing the past or people justice. This can be very challenging in the beginning, but it is truly a powerful and meaningful path.

Please let me know your thoughts!


That white feeling of not deserving...

Free Tapping Script – EFT for Feeling Undeserving To Receive Money

After yesterday’s “rant” about the epidemic of feeling undeserving amongst healers and coaches, I thought I offer you a Tapping script, so you can begin to tackle this problem.

Remember: You are a blessing to others. You are saving lives. You are transforming lives. You are important, relevant, gifted and unique.

You deserve to receive – no, you must receive, not just give to others, in order to keep going with your important work.

Of course receiving money is only one of the many things you deserve. But if you don’t have money, it is very hard to have a good life, a lifestyle that allows you to feel safe and supported while you reach out and change the world.

So here goes: EFT for feeling deserving of money… please tap along:

KP: Even though I feel undeserving of making money with what I love to do, I completely love and accept myself without judgment.

KP: Even though making money with my passion just doesn’t feel right, it feels greedy and wrong, and I am struggling with that, I love and accept myself anyways.

KP: Even though it isn’t really true that I accept myself, it is so hard to accept being poor while I do all this great work in the world, I choose to allow myself to get ready for a shift.

TH: It is hard

IE: I am struggling

OE: I really am

UE: I just can’t ask for what I want

UN: How can I ask for money?

UL: It just doesn’t feel right

CB: I can’t just ask for the money I need

UA: It is just not that easy, and I don’t feel deserving

TH: I don’t feel that I deserve to get paid, and I must admit that this really hurts my feelings

Take a breath…

What is coming up for you?

OK – let’s tap another round… Ready?

TH: I wish I didn’t have to feel this way

IE: I wonder why I do, after all I don’t question that others get paid

OE: Not feeling deserving is such a lonely feeling

UE: ANd I wish someone would take this away from me so that I could breathe again

UN: I wonder why I feel this way

UL: I really do – who told me that I don’t deserve to get paid?

CB: I wonder if it is really true that I don’t deserve

UA: And that there is anybody out there who benefits from me not having what I need

TH: I wonder who benefits from me not having what I need, and if anybody does… it sure isn’t me…

Take another breath…

What are your thoughts?

What do you feel?

Just notice it and be open to more shifting…

TH: I am beginning to see that nobody benefits when I don’t have what I need

IE: I am open to allowing myself to see this in a different light now

OE: I am open to just observing the value I bring into the world

UE: ANd to consider that nobody benefits when I don’t get paid what I need

UN: It is so strange to see myself struggling with what I am worth

UL: While I am clear on what I can do for others

CB: It is so strange to hold on to this belief that doesn’t serve me

UA: While a different belief could protect me and keep me strong

TH: I am getting ready to allowing myself to receive what I need, and I am grateful for the courage that I have to ask for it.

Take a breath…

What is coming up for you?

Some people feel anger

Some feel small

Some feel frustrated

Some feel lost.

Do you know how much you need?

I could imagine that it isn’t really clear to you yet how big your expenses really are.

Have the courage to sit down and think about this.

And then come up with a good strategy to create the income that you truly need.

If you feel you need help with this, please let me know.

I’d be gad to give you a free strategy assessment.

Please contact me so we can set this up for you as soon as possible.



Girl Looking at a Flower

Why People Prefer Dreams Over Goal Setting, And What To Do About It

Something strange happens when we decide to really work on living our dreams: The energy changes, and dreams turn into goals. They now need a strategy, they become tangible. Dreams feel lofty, beautiful, endless. Goals are measurable, tangible and doable. 
When this happens, people need to release any sense of being a victim. They just need to let go of any reason, fears or excuse for why they shouldn’t be able to make their dream a goal. 

Then they transform from victimization into victory. A fascinating process to watch. However, many people quit when they notice that energy shift. They miss the ease of the dream, the freedom to dream, and they now feel that the goal is not what they really want. They just quit and go back into the loftiness. For a while, they feel release and relief, then the wheel starts again.

On the way to success, it is important to take responsibility for everything that happens to us, to all our decisions, our mistakes as well as our victories. And the most important thing is to never quit. Never quit. We can’t reach our goals unless we are committed to doing what it takes. Then it is time for new dreams, on the level that is then available to us.

A Good Start For Tapping On Grief Part 3 – EFT for Sandy Hooks, Newtown, CT

Yes, I love reframing in EFT, but when we just start with someone who is going through unspeakable amounts of grief, it can feel intrusive to the client.

Where can one begin, when the grief is so overwhelming that there is no solution, to “positive outcome”?

When a family looses a child, it is hard to find meaning in a “higher purpose”.

Trying to see the good in the bad can be very premature and feel violent to the victim of such grief.

Making sense of the death of a child is simply impossible.

The last thing a trauma victim needs to hear is how someone else things she should feel.


I found that, after I spent time acknowledging and holding space, the best way to introduce EFT can be through the body.

It is impossible to feel deep grief and not have physical symptoms: Tightness, heaviness, pain, restrictions.

One mother that I helped, who had just lost her daughter to an illness, shared that she feels like there is “a hippo sitting on her chest.”

One of the beauties of EFT is that we can just tap on that, without analyzing and stirring up more overwhelming emotions:

We can ask how big the “hippo” is, which color, what it does, if there is a sound or expression that would be meaningful.

Then tap on what our client told us, without changing or interpreting the words.

Even though I have this huge, dark grey hippo the size of two football fields sitting on my chest, I acknowledge my grief and all my feelings without judgment.

Even though I have this huge, dark grey hippo, the size of two football fields sitting on my chest, I choose to take the time that I need to heal.

Even though I have this huge, dark grey hippo the size of two football fields sitting on my chest, and it doesn’t allow me to breathe, I choose to be respectful of all that I am going through. anybody in my situation would feel the way that I do.

Then just tap on “This dark grey hippo”.

So just begin to work on physical symptoms, and notice how they shift: Does the “hippo” change color or size? Does it change location, from the chest to to stomach, throat or some other place in the body? Does it change from a hippo to an elegant, dog,… . Anything that our client notices is important and relevant. We just observe and notice it, and then do another round of chasing the pain and tapping on the body.

Helping a person by tapping on the physical symptoms still releases the same energy blocks that are causing the thoughts and feelings. But it does it gently, appropriately, without the need for the client to tune into the pain even more.

And it gives the client much control over how she wants to share her feelings, and what she wants us to know, while still getting relief.

It is important to detach ourselves from a “positive outcome” that we expect a client to have when working un such deep levels. Being there for the person and offering support in a way that works for them is is a gift that will be most helpful.



EFT For Coping with Hurricane Sandy Video Series – Coping with Overwhelm

Free EFT Tapping Script: EFT For Setting Priorities Easily


Do you struggle with setting priorities in your life?

Do you have a problem making a decision on which next step in your business is the right one for you?

Do you feel like you are on a mission, but want to go into too many directions at once?


Then you already know that this is not working.

You already know that it is very important for you to solve this problem.

You can’t chase two bunnies, as a famous person once said.

You can’t go into two directions at the same time.

when you feel that you are tying to do this, please remember that you have one mission, one life.

There is a reason why you feel torn, and getting to the underlying message is important.

You will be able to integrate it easily, one you see how it fits into who you truly are.


Let’s tap on speeding up this process:


KP: Even though I feel torn, I have two goals and callings and they don’t seem to match, I completely love and accept myself.

KP: Even though I have this conflict about which direction to go in – I would like to prioritize both at once – I choe to see clearly and easily what connects them both and the power and purpose that they are giving for my future.


KP Even though I feel torn and overwhelmed with these two missions, I choose to take a step back and realize that they are not conflicting but giving new and important meaning to my higher purpose, in a way that I am beginning to see now.


TH: It is such a conflict

IE: It really is!

OE: Both goals seem to be important

UE: It is impossible for me to integrate them both at once

UN: I can’t chose, I wouldn’t do justice to either one of them

UL: I can’t decide which direction I should take

CB: It is such a conflict – I really hate this feeling

UA: I wish that I knew what my next steps truly need to be.

TH: But I honor myself and this conflict I have, and I choose to be open to a surprising solution now.


Take a breath and notice how you feel.


Let’s tap again:


TH: What if there was a connecting piece between my two missions in life?

IE: What if there was something unique and truly meaningful for me?

OE: What if I only had this problem because I am overlooking the deeper meaning of my life

UE: And once I release the belief that I have a problem, I can easily see my next, integrated, powerful steps forward?

UN: I am beginning to open up to the idea that it might be easier than I thought

UL: I am beginning to see the bigger picture of these two conflicting messages

CB: I am beginning to embrace that my life and my mission is truly more unique than I thought

UA: And that once I have chosen to  integrate my conflict in a creative way, I will allow myself to define my mission and message more powerfully than ever before

TH: It is important to me to be authentic and congruent, and I am now integrating all of the thoughts and feelings that co-create who I truly am.


Take another breath. Do you notice a shift around your thoughts and feelings? Do you see how these seemilngly conflicting thoughts are coming together as one?

Good for you! Please email those thought to me, would you please?




And now let’s finish with a last round:


TH: I am beginning to see how the questions I have with one of my missions are being answered in the other one

IE: I am beginning to see and embrace the deeper level of liviing that this allows me to enjoy

OE: I am now ready and comfortable integrating all of me, even if it feels like a conflict in the beginning

UE: And to enjoy the reality that my true message and mission is unique and just mine

UN: I am now seeing that I can easily embrace my true calling

UL: And find an effective and authentic way to monitize my passion.

CB: I deeply enjoy the Balance I am creating with my conflict

UA: And I am now grateful that I can see my life and my future in more than one way

TH: it is powerful and amazing to be able to live my life so fully, integrating my former conflict more powerfully than I ever thought possible. Thank you for this new meaning and message in my life.


Take another deep breath.

Can you now feel the shift? Can you see how you can actually integrate the conflict you had?

So often, when we try too hard to focus on one thing, and struggle with finding the right strategies and solutions, we ignore that the answers might be easily visible when we find the deeper meaning in what seemed to be a conflict in the past.

Have an open mind, keep journaling your thoughts, “bright shiny objects” and conflicts.

Take a deeper look at them, and they will unveil their mystery and deeper truth.


Please do leave a comment or send me an email with your discoveries!
I can’t wait to hear from you! 



Transform For Success: Make Your Story Matter

If you are in doubt about the meaning of your unique story, and how to make it matter for yourself and others, please watch this video.

Tap along with the tapping suggestions that are being offered to help you see the true meaning of your past, your story and your life.

Please leave feedback below!

Video – How to lose weight with EFT Tapping

Tap along and please leave a comment!

Good luck with your own goals! You can do it!

Free Tapping Script: EFT For Fear Of Facing The Truth

Are you afraid to face the truth? Facing the truth about a situation is not always easy.

It can be scary and overwhelming to look past wishful thinking and facing the reality of our life, the reality of a situation or a personal relationship.

On the other hand, releasing the fear of facing the truth is the first step to a successful life.

When we have the courage to just look at things the way they are, it becomes much easier for us to make good decisions.

Facing the truth gives us options to decide what we want to do, how we want to take charge and how we want to continue to live our life.


Take a heart and tap along!


First, I’d like to encourage you to chose a topic for your tapping. Pick something that you don’t want to look at.

Rate your fear of facing it on a scale of 0-10.

Where do you feel this in your body?

For the purpose of this tapping sequence, we will assume it is in your gut and throat. But it might be a different location for you.

Just acknowledge that it is there and make a mental note of how strong it is.


Then let the thoughts go and just focus on the tapping.

No need to get upset now!


KP: Even though I have this gut wrenching fear of facing the truth, I completely accept myself and my feelings

KP: Even though I just can’t get over this fear, I just don’t want to go there, I love and accept myself, and I choose courage when the time is right.

KP: Even though I feel so overwhelmed by this thought, I don’t want to have to look at it  what if it is not safe or I get hurt badly? – I choose to be more calm and relaxed anyway. Everything happens in devine and perfect order.


TH: I am overwhelmed.

IE: I am REALLY scared right now

OE: I really don’t want to have to face this

UE: I just don’t want to, it feels too uncomfortable, too scary to me

UN: I really don’t want to have to think about this

UL: I just don’t can’t go there, it doesn’t feel safe

CB: I have this unsettling feeling of overwhelm right now

UA: This fear that I just can’t go there

TH: I have this feeling in my gut that I don’t want to face this, I just can’t, and that’s the truth!


OK, well done 🙂 Take a breath and just relax for a moment.

This is not easy. I understand. Just breathe, and get ready for another tapping round


TH: What if I could allow myself to just relax a bit

IE: What if I could feel more in control, even if it’s hard

OE: Maybe I don’t have to be so overwhelmingly fearful

UE: Maybe I could just take a peek at what is truly going on

UN: I can choose to tap along until I feel better

UL: After all, what happens happens, whether I know about it or not

CB: But when I know what’s going on, I can make better decisions

UA: And I don’t have to feel so overwhelmed and out of control anymore.

TH: I choose to feel a bit better about myself and the control that I have, even if I have to face the truth about this.


Take a breath again. Do you feel a bit more optimistic? Do you notice a shift?

Nothing has happened yet. You are in control. Just take it one step at a time and as you tap along, you will find more and more opportunities to make decisions that help you move forward.


TH: What if I could be relaxed and just let it be easy?

IE: What if I was making at least a part of this problem up?

OE: My denying of the truth doesn’t change a thing

UE: It just makes me feel uncomfortable, it makes me feel scared

UN: I choose to release this daunting fear now

UL: And I choose to begin to explore what the truth is all about

CB: I choose to be very thorough with this and honest to myself

UA: After all, I know that there is more to it than just what I am afraid of.

TH: I am grateful that I am now beginning to see this differently.


Take another breath and check in with your body. How do you feel? What is coming up for you?

Any changes? Good – take a mental note.


Let’s do one last round on Gratitude:


TH: I am grateful that I am beginning to let go of this fear

IE: I am grateful that I didn’t give up, and take it one step at a time

OE: I am grateful that I have the courage to claim my power back from this daunting fear

UE: And to begin to see opportunities where I used to only see fear

UN: MAybe I can begin to see the truth in all of it’s facets

UL: The truth is not one dimensional – there are many things I can impact and change

CB: I am grateful for my courage to put this behind me

UA: And I feel confident now that I can handle this, one step at a time.

TH: And even though I was so afraid to face this, I am grateful for the opportunities I am beginning to see.

Thank you, I am grateful for my control and strength.


Breathe. And check in with your body. How do you feel?

What do you notice?

There is so much to facing and understanding the truth, and when you have the courage to see the whole picture and not just a part of it, you will also find your strength to make the right decisions and do what you have to do to let the truth be a good thing.

Please leave a comment below!