It has been a while since my last post to you, and I sincerely apologize for this. The last weeks and months have been quite a whirlwind, both inside and out, and I had to take some time to pull back and reflect on who I am and what I want to do with that. I know that many of my friends and peeps feel the same at this time.
It is important to honor this.
Some Health Updates
First things first: You may or may not know that have been dealing with some health issues, a breast cancer recurrence, that started to act up again, at least according to my doctors. I have been throwing whatever I can at this, both with western medicine as well as with an extensive holistic program.
I am not on traditional chemo, but am taking a combination of two drugs at this time. And I am doing lots of vibrational healing, EFT, Tongren, Rising Phoenix Qigong, Yoga, REIKI, Juicing, Coffee enemas, gemmotherapy, cleansing, Cell salts, a modified Gerson Therapy, homeopathy, tons of supplements,… I am looking into Rifing, creating my own homeopathic remedies, and other therapies as well. If you have a Rifing machine that I could borrow before I invest into my own, please let me know :-).
I have always believed that the best way to deal with something is to accept ALL the help we can get, not just the one that matches our belief system. And to not buy into fears or beliefs from one side only, but see myself in a bigger, holistic picture where everything has it’s place.
So please keep me in your prayers, as I have been working hard to get rid of this.
I did what I had to do in my business
My business took a step back in this process. It’s difficult to focus on launching programs and doing private sessions, when the day is filled with focussing on health. At least in the beginning.
Focus is important for everything we do, so focussing on being well has to be a full commitment with no regrets or distractions.
That’s why you haven’t heard from me. At least to some degree.
But here is the last part – And this one is really big for me!
Please take a breath and just consider this for a moment:
After 2 years of being in the completely normal range, my tumor markers started to act back up when the anger and hatred with the presidential election kicked in.
I am German, so for me, much of what I heard and read struck a cord much deeper than just some news. I realized that I wasn’t just hearing it, I was resonating with it.
I got hooked. I had to say on top of what was happening.
I felt that I had to take part in this, and in preventing a history that we Germans know all too well, from repeating itself.
You may agree or disagree with me politically, but the reason I am writing this is not to change your mind or have a political discussion.
It is important to respect each other’s freedom of opinion, so please don’t send me emails about how you feel about where we are right now :-).
Downloading the wrong stuff
However, what I did notice was that I started to download that negativity, that fear, that rage. I channeled it towards a goal, but often, it became an intrusive thought, a combination of fear, disbelief, determination and helplessness.
It became quite a mess would be another way to say it. And when you put the tumor markers and those events together, you can see quite an astounding congruence.
Nevertheless, my PET scans remained unchanged from the one I had 2.5 years ago until right before the election. 2 months later, it was quite different.
We changed medication, and I trust that it will be OK, but you can see such a clear before and after, that it would be ignorant to not acknowledge the power of fear, anger and helplessness on our health.
My oncologist at the Dana Faber Cancer Institute in Boston confirmed, that many of his patients say the same: The darkness and hopelessness, and how it deeply impacts them. And when a Doctor says this – there’s gotta be something to it, don’t you think?
Why my history played Into this
Being German, I always felt that I have to have a strong point of view, that I have to be somewhat of a guardian of history and warn people of signs that I see. But is this really true? The truth was, that it held me back, that it stopped me from living and being well, that it made me angry and feel that there is no future.
And I had to admit to myself that this might just be my perception of the truth, not the truth itself.
Which of course leads to the question if there is such a thing as the ultimate truth, or just collections of facts that we put together as our version or perception of what is right… But that’s for another time to discuss…
So what’s my real job?
At this time, I think it’s fair to acknowledge that, no matter what is going on in the world, I have a specific responsibility here, a place to fill, a job to do.
And this is not speculating about what may or may not happen, but to live the way I wish others did :-).
To do what I wish was done.
To embrace the fact that the earth is an incredibly beautiful planet, and that it is miraculous how each and every thing on this planet works together in harmony.
I can’t help but think that this spirit, that creates this amazing life, that breathes meaning and purpose into every grain of sand, and microbe, anything we see, are and are a part of, must be stronger as the human ability to destroy it.
We haven’t created this life, and we’re not going to take it out.
Whether we are a part of the future of the planet or not, whether we are that important to keep around or not, that is again, for another discussion. At this point, it might just be food for thought.
We know how grand we truly are
But what I do think is reality at this time is, that there is a part of us that has always know that we are here to do something unique.
It might be that part of us that at the same time has felt scared, intimidated, overwhelmed by the responsibility of doing this.
This “fear of our own power” has become a standing term in the spiritual community.
Because it knows that, once we do what we are here to do, we become a part of a movement, a missing link, a changer and healer in a way we can’t run away from anymore.
It can be quite intimidating to think that we have indeed the power to change lives, to make something better, to become a light in our community, in other people’s lives. Or to become a much bigger light than we have ever been before.
But it can also feel like a healing experience to finally allow ourselves to be big. to be grand. to be alive and well, moving forward with what we so passionately know we are here to do.
Now here’s a simple truth:
Whatever we think it is that we are here to do can be done in baby steps.
We don’t have to rush it.
We don’t have to be highly successful right from the start.
The first step is to turn into the direction where we want our lives to be one, two, five or ten
years from now.
Just turn. Don’t walk yet! Just LOOK!
Just look into that direction and imagine what it would feel like if you were already there, supported, protected, acknowledged and well.
What would that feel like?
What would yo need?
What would you need to give to get there?
What would you be willing to give up to be there?
Don’t take action, just look.
What do you see?
What would your day look like?
There is truth to saying “If you can’t see it you can’t have it” – the opposite of “if you can dream it you can be it.”
If we don’t allow ourselves to see ourselves in the future, then how can we know where we are heading?
Most people spend so much time worrying about the future, which is usually built on experiences of the past. Instead, just spend an equal amount of time seeing where you will really be when you take your dreams seriously and allow yourself to spend the time to look carefully.
There is an image that will occur that you will like.
Allow yourself to fall in love with it.
Allow yourself to recognize it as your future self.
Allow yourself to be that image, to feel that it is real.
The only difference between who you are and who you will be is time.
And that time is your currency. You can use this in any way that you want.
You may know that I always had this dream:
This dream of helping Veterans and Emergency Personnel be better understood and integrated in our society.
This dream to help companies hire and support Veterans, of Veterans getting help with PTSD symptoms in a way that works for them. This dream of being a bridge between civilian society and Military culture, talking and bridging between “both sides of the aisle”, so that the trauma of war can be transformed and healed from within.
I had this dream of helping diverse communities come together, acknowledging, understanding and deeply appreciating each other’s gifts and values.
As a Professional Speaker, I have this dream of having my books published and having access to those who need to hear more about healing from trauma and integrating our lives stories into the beautiful web of our societies.
This is what I am working on.
What do YOU dream of?