Many of my EFT students are asking this question, and I have found over the years, that being able to handle anger well is one of the most important skills, personally as well as professionally.
In my experience, anger comes from a sense of betrayal, missing out, being unrecognized or treated unfairly.
Angry people are not just angry, they are fearful, hopeless, struggle with a sense of powerlessness about their ability to change a situation, that makes the feeling of anger a neccessart emotion to protect themselves and get something done.
My first advise when dealing with anger, wether it is your own, or someone else’s:
Acknowledge that shomething happened that shouldn’t have happened.
Acknowledge that things hae been unfair
Acknowledge that it hurts to feel this way.
Acknowledge that you or the other person deserved to feel better, and that it is not OK to be in the situation you/they are in.
I can say this very generally, do you notice?
No matter what happened or is still going on, and angry person deserves acknowledgment.
So here is what this looks like:
I am Sorry!
No really – I AM sorry that this happened to you, and you now have to feel this way.
This is a big deal for you.
This must hurt.
Nobody will ever understand how much you are going through.
That’s not fair.
Yes, it is a big deal, and If I had been through what you experienced, I would feel the same way.
This is true.
Do you notice how comforting and affirming it is when people hold space for our anger, instead of trying to “fix” it?
Acknowledge your own feelings and the feelings of others.
You will see how much better you feel, and how freeing it is to not be judged but heard.
When you are working with a very angry person, acknowledgment without judgment comes before healing.
Please share your experiences with this below!
I’d love to hear from you!